{"id":2156,"date":"2025-01-16T08:57:46","date_gmt":"2025-01-16T08:57:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/?p=2156"},"modified":"2025-01-16T15:13:55","modified_gmt":"2025-01-16T15:13:55","slug":"condemned-for-being-a-mother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/2025\/01\/16\/condemned-for-being-a-mother\/","title":{"rendered":"Condemned for Being a Mother"},"content":{"rendered":"

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AYAAN KHALIF MOHAMED<\/span><\/b>,<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>born and raised in Kenya, is a blogger and activist who has been living<\/span> \u00a0<\/span>in Somalia since 2014. Passionate about women\u2019s rights and girl child education, she currently works for an NGO based in Somalia that advocates for peace and human rights<\/span><\/pre>\n
What were you wearing? Where were you? What time was it? Did you smile at him? Those are some of the common questions asked of female rape survivors when they speak out. Those are the questions, Anab,<\/span>1 <\/span>a 17-year-old Somali girl, heard when her parents found out that she had been raped. In Somalia, like in many other countries, blame is often put on the victims as if they had voluntarily put themselves at risk and it was their duty to protect themselves from assault.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Anab was raped when she was 13, an age at which she did not know anything about sexuality or pregnancy. As she narrates, \u201cI used to take my father\u2019s goats for grazing every day. I would sit in the shade or play with my fellow girls while keeping an eye on the goats. That particular day, no one was around. No one was there to stop him from taking advantage of my innocence and lack of knowledge in that matter.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Thirteen-year-old Anab was passing time drawing something on the ground when a man approached her. \u201cHe sat beside me and handed me twenty thousand Somali shillings,<\/span>2 <\/span>which at that time seemed like a lot of money to me. As a child, I didn\u2019t know anything about money and never had anything close to the amount he was giving me,\u201d she recalls with a shaky voice.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\u201cThen he started touching me,\u201d she says in a whisper. \u201cI still vividly remember. He told me, \u2018we are going to do things together but don\u2019t tell anyone. Let it be our little secret and I will let you keep the money.\u2019\u201d For a<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>13-year-old, having money to spend was an exciting thought, and Anab saw no reason at the time why she should reject the offer from the man she used to address as \u201cuncle.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\u201cHow was I supposed to know that he was going to abuse me? If only someone had told me that, by accepting that money, I was actually giving away my pride as a woman, my dignity and my virginity, then I would have thrown that money in his face and run away as far as possible,\u201d she laments. \u201cAt that moment, all I knew was that it was painful and that every time I would try to make a sound, he would put his hand on my mouth. He finally left after he was done and repeatedly reminded me not to say a word to anyone,\u201d she added.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Sexual violence is pervasive in Somalia and Anab\u2019s case is far from an isolated incident.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Deep-rooted gender inequalities and decades of conflict have left women and girls particularly vulnerable to sexual violence and have destroyed the State institutions that are supposed to protect those most at risk.<\/span><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Fear of rape by armed gangs, security forces, and relatives is an everyday <\/span>fact of life<\/span> for many Somali <\/span>women.<\/span> Sexual<\/span> violence<\/span> has<\/span> become<\/span> largely<\/span> normalised<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
After she was raped, Anab walked home and told her mother that she was feeling pain between her legs. \u201cI didn\u2019t mention anything about what actually happened. Perhaps I didn\u2019t see it as a big deal. My mother gave me warm water to take a bath, saying that the pain was probably caused by my daily walks to the grazing field. After a few days, things went back to normal as if nothing happened,\u201d she remembers.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
However, a few months later, Anab started feeling sick and weak. She complained about having something moving inside her stomach. \u201cMy father thought that I was suffering from intestinal worms. He slaughtered a sheep for me thinking that the meat would help me get rid of the worms but nothing changed,\u201d she recounts. Anab had never been educated about sex and had no idea that she was pregnant until her mother, who is blind, accidentally found out. She felt the baby kick while putting her hand on Anab\u2019s stomach. \u201cAt first my mother didn\u2019t say anything to me because she was unsure of it, but a midwife in our village confirmed her worst fear,\u201d she says.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Sex is taboo and therefore not openly discussed in Somalia. It is seen as something that only \u201cadults\u201d should know about. If one inquires about it, the answer is always the same, \u201cyou will find out on your wedding night.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Most<\/span> girls<\/span> of<\/span> Anab\u2019s<\/span> age<\/span> have<\/span> no basic understanding of sexuality and reproduction. Additionally, <\/span>more and more<\/span> Somali teenagers turn to the Internet to find information about sex. They are increasingly exposed to pornography<\/span> and<\/span> develop,<\/span> as<\/span> a<\/span> result, misconceptions about sexuality.<\/span><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Anab\u2019s life turned to what she describes as \u201chell\u201d from the day her parents realised that she was pregnant. She was beaten by her father on a daily basis and asked to reveal the name of the father of the <\/span>wecel <\/span><\/i>(bastard child) she was carrying. Anab was particularly confused as she could not comprehend why and how she had gotten pregnant. After days of beatings and food deprivation, her father forced her to take poison in an attempt to kill the unborn child, which he said would bring nothing but shame to his family.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Women who give birth outside of marriage are shunned in Somalia\u2019s traditional society and are<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>often rejected by their relatives. An unwed mother\u2019s pregnancy is seen as bringing disgrace on the entire family. In most cases, it does not matter whether the pregnancy was the result of a consensual sexual relationship, or rape. In a country where unmarried mothers are regarded as sinners and prostitutes, most women are forced to run away from their homes. Some end up homeless; others abandon their child or go to the extent of committing suicide to avoid humiliation, isolation and stigmatisation.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
In the case of Anab, she ran away after she was forced to ingest the poison. \u201cI couldn\u2019t take it anymore. I went to seek refuge from my aunt who lived in a nearby town. She turned out to be my saviour. With her help, I managed to understand what was happening and I remembered that horrible day that led to the terrible situation I was in,\u201d she recalls.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
When the truth finally came out \u2013 the fact that Anab had been raped by her own uncle \u2013 she did not receive the support she was expecting from her parents. They decided to keep a low profile in order to avoid public shame. \u201cThey wanted to avoid the double stigma, one being my rape and the other being the fact that the rapist was my own uncle,\u201d she says with sorrow.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Anab did give birth to her child who now suffers from the consequences of the poison she was forced to ingest while pregnant. \u201cAfter giving birth nothing changed for me. In fact, I would say it got worse because I couldn\u2019t help but feel embarrassed every time I was outside the house. People were pointing fingers at me and I felt isolated. At some point, I even thought of abandoning my child for I felt like he was responsible for my misfortune. But thanks to my aunt, I didn\u2019t. No child should suffer for the actions of someone else,\u201d she says.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Anab was married off to a man old enough to be her father. Despite the tragic turn her life has taken, Anab still considers herself as lucky: \u201cI am happy because most girls who have been raped or had a child outside of marriage don\u2019t get the chance to get married and have a decent life. I count myself among the lucky ones and I am glad that my son gets the chance to have someone he can call \u2018father\u2019 since his real father has refused to take responsibility.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
As shown by Anab\u2019s tragic story, a woman\u2019s \u201cluck\u201d in Somalia is unfortunately a very relative concept.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
AYAAN KHALIF MOHAMED <\/span>\u00a0<\/span>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
AYAAN KHALIF MOHAMED,\u00a0born and raised in Kenya, is a blogger and activist who has been living \u00a0in Somalia since 2014. Passionate about women\u2019s rights and girl child education, she currently works for an NGO based in Somalia that advocates for peace and human rights … <\/i>Read More<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2159,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[100],"class_list":["post-2156","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","tag-condemned-for-being-a-mother"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2156","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2156"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2156\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2164,"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2156\/revisions\/2164"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2159"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2156"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2156"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.womeninislamjournal.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2156"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}